'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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