Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
