Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
