there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
