Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
