this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
