the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
