I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
