Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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