I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i just had sex bonerless
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
