well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
