I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
