Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
