just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
