I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
