I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize