It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
