I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
