I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
