if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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