I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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