you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
