I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize