Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
