Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
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