Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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