plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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