you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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