i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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