Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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