She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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