Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
