He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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