I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
my being single is dangerous.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
