Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
