Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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