3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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