I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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