if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
