i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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