so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
