u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
