I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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