we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
