is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
