he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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