I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
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