Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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