If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
