It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
