I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We had to coat check the pizza.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
