You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
