You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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