The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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