Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
