hotel room ftw
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
