At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize