You smell like stripper and shame
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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