so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Pants are for mortals
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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