So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
