turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
