It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
COCAINE IS GR8
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
