Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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