Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
