hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
