worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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