first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
