found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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