Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
