Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize
